Its Another Twilight Parody?
by KKDDXX
Summary: Well, Hai thaaar.   So, yeah. It's a parody of Twilight.  R&R plzkthnx?
1. Chapter 1

~~~~ Renee's car ~~~~

Renee: Bella you don't have to do this…

Bella; Muuuuuum! I can tell your _trying_ to be that concerned parent and all *smirks* but, I will be fine. I can tell you don't like me. Due to that time you tried to push me off that pier. I COULD HAVE DROWNED.

KD: WHO RESCUED YOU? I WILL DESTROY THEM.

Bella: WTF. I'M HEARING VOICES.

Rene: Again?

KD: Shut up Bella.

Bella; ZOMFG. MUM … MUUUUUM… !

Renee: *Through clenched teeth* Yes?

Bella: I. JUST. SAW. A. PLANE. TAKE. OFF… *Makes weird airplane noises to which Renee is totally oblivious to*

Renee: Look Bella we're at the airport- DID YOU HAVE TO BRING THAT GODDAMN CACTUS.

Bella: MUM YOU KNOW LANCELOT OS MY ONLY FRIEND.

Renee: I give up. Just, get on the bloody plane; make sure to call me so I don't have to plan funerals. I already have your fathers planned. In Phil's own words "I'm sure he can't be dealing with a problem child."

KD; I can assure you that will not happen.

Renee; Why… Now I'm hearing the voices. Stupid Bella bringing the family curse back.

Renee; SMART VOICE. If only you were real.. I would have adopted you instead of that.

Bella; *Stop's talking to 'Lancelot'* I'M ADOPTED? Oh, well. You never liked me anyway.

Renee; You were forced upon me and your father. We heard crying in a bin and we assumed it was a kitten and as we always wanted a kitten, we took it home. Them we opened the bin and found you. Apparently, it was 'Child cruelty' to leave you outside. So we had to keep you. Sad times.

~~~~ Outside Forks Airport ~~~~

Bella: OH MY GOSH. It's raining! NOOOOOOO, IM GOING TO MELT!

KD: SHUSH. If you were Jordan/ Katie Price WHATEVER. You would melt. She's all plastic. AND STILL LOOKS LIKE A DOG.

Charlie; Hi.

Bella; Hi.

Charlie; how's your mum?

Bella; she's fine.

Charlie; OH BTW'S. I got you a car.

Bella; Oh, you really shouldn't have… You see, on the airplane I made my New Years Resolution.

Charlie: It's Summer-

Bella: SDJCNSDKVN; SHHHH. It's to be a selfless, non-whiney, teenager. I shall be so mature. I won't accept gift's, and I shall hate all special occasions.

Charlie; … Well… It's not refundable. So take it, or it's the junkyard.

KD; She'll take it.

Charlie; VOICES!

Bella; What kind of 'car' is it?

Charlie: Well, … It's not a car exactly it goes more under the category of tr-

Bella; I've always wanted a cardboard box… *Looks off into distance*

Charlie; *snaps fingers as Bella comes back to reality* No, it's a truck.

Bella; And where did you supposedly 'buy' it?

Charlie; Do you remember Billy Blac-

Bella; No.

KD; LIES.

Charlie; Well, he used to go fishing with us. He's in a wheelchair now, so it won't be any use to him…

Bella; Oh. That's great. Taking the disableds only way of getting about. And, if it's as old as you, how the hell do I get it fixed if it breaks down.

Charlie; No, the thing runs great! Jacob did a ton of work on it.

Bella; *mumbles* Oh, Jacob. I remember him. I used to make mud-pies with him and his sisters; Rachel and Rebecca. They bitches always thought their mud-pies were better. But, the truth is mines were always better. Always.

KD; Weirdo.

Charlie: Why are you mumbling to yourself Bella?

Bella; IT'S A HABIT OKAY?

Charlie; Erm, Okay… *stops car*

Bella; Pfft. Green. Green means ALIENS. *See's truck* I HEART IT.

~~~~ In the house ~~~~

Charlie; your room is upstairs, as always…

Bella; *Sighs* Okay, then. If you REALLY want to make me climb the stairs…

~~~~ Next day~~~~

Bella; *screams* SCHOOL.

KD; Will you just, please, SHUT UP. You're waay too weird for my liking.

Bella; … Okay, first day at school means first impressions… What to wear? Oh, whatever I find! That shall be good enough.

KD; I'm sure it won't.

Bella; I am sooo white. I could be a vampire :D! *Stands on one leg and hisses like a cat*

KD; vampires don't do that?

Bella; YES THEY DO.

KD; Stupid girl.

Bella; WHAT IF I DON'T FIT IN? *sadfacesadfacesadface* I've never had any friends, except Lancelot.

KD; I wonder why?

Bella; Oh, well. *skips to the 'truck'* Oh, how I love my truck! *starts the truck* … PEOPLE. OMG. SCHOOL. OMG.

KD; JUST DRIVE.

Bella; (drives) I have the area in sight. I am about to enter the area. I have parked in the area. I am walking to the front office of the are-

KD; SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Bella; hello scary receptionist lady.

SRL; hello dear

Bella; *Whispers* Guess what?

SRL; What?

Bella; I'm new!

SRL; oh, Isabella swan.

Bella; NO ITS BELLA YOU IDIOT.

SRL; Oh, erm, I'm so sorry. Here's a map of your classes…

Bella; I have never been so insulted in all my life. *takes map* FAREWELL.

KD; that was not nice,

Bella; neither is my life.

KD; what's the first class i must endure with you today?

Bella; ENGLISH! (Enters classroom) Must. Escape. Gaze… Hello sir.

Mr. Mason; its Mr. Mason

Bella; well Mr. Mason *hands over slip*

Mr. Mason; go sit somewhere…

Bella; *sits*

Eric; *trying to act cool but clearly failing.* S'up?

Bella; why are you trying to act cool when you clearly aren't?

Eric; *is silent*

Bell; *Rings*

KD; Well, isn't this a very short class.

Eric; what's your next class?

Bella; government building 6…

Eric; I'm headed for building 4. WHAT A COINCIDENCE. I could show you the way?

Bella; there's a reason they give you a map…

Eric; erm ok never mind then (walks away)

~~~~ Lunch time~~~~

Jessica; blah blah blah blah...

Bella; why don't you just shut up?

Jessica; what?

Bella; Nothing. *Sits with Jess and the Krew*

Bella; *in head* these people are weirdo's. Just look at that guy with the spiky blonde hair. OMG. TAKE A PICTURE IT WILL LAST LONGER. MIKE. …Yes, I can see your name tag. Oh who are they! *Out loud* JEEEESSSSIICCAAA, WHO ARE THEY *points directly to Cullens*

Cullens; *Are busy being pointed at accusingly*

Jessica; *giggles*

Bella; hurry up and tell me!

Jessica; WELL, The big one. Is Emmett. Who Mike is fearful of.

Spiky Blonde Guy Now Known As Mike; HEY!

Jessica; Well, it's true. The Blonde girl is Rosalie. She's a stuck up bitch *smiles*

Faithful Crowd Of Rosalie fans; HEY!

Jessica; Emmett and Rosalie are together. Shocking I know. EMMETT SHOULD BE MINE.

Emmett; What?

Cafeteria: What?

Emmett; *Narrows eyes in suspicion*

Jessica; the blonde constipated one is Jasper.

Faithful Crowd of Jasper Fans: HEY!

Jessica; The little one who's running circles around Jasper-

Mike; Literally.

Jessica; - Is Alice. I, for one, think was thrown at a wall-

Twilight Fans; DIE.

Jessica; Alice and Jasper are together.

Alice/Jasper Fans; DAMN STRAIGHT.

Edward; *Enters, as he simply can't enter with the rest. He wants his own entrance. DIVA'S THESE DAYS.*

Bella; WHO IS THAT. WILL YOU TAKE MY VIRGINITY- *is slapped by a randomer*

Jessica; THAT, is Edward Cullen. Single. I could change that…

Bella; yeah if you do something with that hair..

Bell; *Rings*

KD; what's next Bella?

Bella; biology…

~~~~ Biology classroom ~~~~

Bella; Hai :]

Teacher; Hello, there's a spare seat over there…

Bella; *sits*

Edward; *smells … Bella* *moves far away. Literally He camps in that meadow now*

Bella; *SADFACE:[*

Bell; *rings*

Edward; *runs away*

KD; HA.

Mike; hi there….

KD; Oh god here we go

Bella; *sighs* WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Mike; do you need help finding you next class?

Bella; no, not from you

~~~~ After p.e~~~~

Bella; Lalala going to hand my slip back lalala OMG EDWARD

Edward; please! JUST LET ME SWITCH CLASSES! I CAN'T HANDLE IT. SHE HAS NO FASHION SENSE. IT LOOKS LIKE SHE'S JUST THROWN THE FIRST THING SHE LAID HER EYES ON ON.

SRL; I'm sorry, your just going to have to deal with it.

Edward; FINE! *Runs away*

Bella; (hands slip over)

SRL; how did your day go dear?

Bella; freaking awesome how do you think it went? (Drives home)


	2. Chapter 2

Bella: I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL.

KD; YOU NEED AN EDUCATION. YOU'RE A HOPELESS CASE.

Bella; FINE. –huffy face- You know, I don't appreciate this treatmen- O.M.G.

KD; WHAT WHAT WHAT?

bella; 'Tis not raining!

KD; What a miracle…

bella; See how smarticlefghsydjfnf I am –grins-

KD; Is smarticlefghsydjfnf a word, Bella?

bella; …Oui.

KD; Bad, Bella. Go to your emo chair.

bella; No. We'll be late for school of which you SO BADLY want me to go to. Even though, I'm sure I could get in with the Tweenies.

~~~~ In English~~~~

Mike; -sits next to Bella-

Bella: Why, in the name of Reginold are you here?

Mike; Because, I'm cool! Who's Reginold?

Bella; I don't know. He has a funneh name though.

KD; Does Mike seem a tad… Say… Gay?

Bella; … Indeed.

Mike; So… Bella-

Bella; Are you gay? –waits expectantly-

Mike; No?

Bella; Who have you kissed?

Mike; T-Thats besides the point… -eyes dart about nervously-

Bella; Was it Eric? –Look of innocence-

Mike; Yes I MEAN NO. –Looks about, paranoid-

M. Mson; Mr. Newton,would you like to explain to the rest of the class what you are shouting about?

Mike. Erm, well, Bella asked if I was gay-

Class; -groans- Not agaaaaaain!

Mr. Mason; Now settle down class, I know it's the third time this week. Is that all Mr. Newton?

Mike; And she asked if I'd kissed Eric-

Eric; YOU DIDN'T LET OUR SECRET OUT, DID YOU?

Everyone with the exceptions of Mike and Eric; LE GASP!

~~~~ Lunch ~~~~

Bella; Where's Edwaaaard? –sadface-

KD; How would I know? I don't know hi whereabouts every second of everyday.

Bella; -Cries- IT'S ALL MY FAULT.

Bell; -Rings-

Bella; -In the tune of 'Friday' by Rebecca Black- Its bio, Bio, gotta stalk Edward in Bio –Runs to biology-

KD; -Le sigh-

~~~~ Back Home ~~~~

Bella; I'm hungry, and Charlie can't cook.

KD; Well, shift your lazy ass to Thriftway or wherever you go, buy ingredients, AND COOK.

Bella; FINE. –Grabs Charlies EMERGANCY credit card and drives off in the truck of DOOM-

Bella; Is that Edwards family? Is it? Is it? Is it?

KD; YES.

Bella; Do you think HE is with them?

KD; I think he'd stay clear of you.

Bella; I DON'T SMELL.

~~~~ Back Home ~~~~

Bella; Okay, I have with the help of a cooking manual I found under the couch… Marinated steak. Oh, oh, oh, I'M GOING TO CHECK MY E-MAILS.

KD; Oh, joy.

Bella. Three from that insane mother of mine. –Types away-

KD; Whats that smell?

Bella; -sniffs- OH NO! I FORGOT ABOUT THE POTATOES ! –rescues potatoes-

~~~ Later when Charlie returns-

Charlie; What is that ghastly smell?

Bella; The potatoes..

Charlie; You burned them didn't you?

Bella; YOU COULD AT LEAST BE SUPPORTIVE –runs away-

Charlie; BELLA ARENT YOU GOING TO EAT?

Bella; -Returns- Oh , yeah.

Charlie; So, how's school?

KD; She wants Edward.

Bella; STFU. Do you know of the

Charlie; Yeah, Dr. Cullen is the best doctor in the hospital. I worship him. WHY?

Bella; Nothing! It's just the kids… keep themselves to themselves-

Charlie; HOW DARE YOU INSULT THE CULLENS TO FIEND!

Bella; Contain yourself!

Charlie; Yes, yes. I don't quite know what came over me. I'll just go and watch the game… That seems to be on everyday..

~~~ sometime in school after English~~~~

Mike; Wow.. Its… Its snowing! –amaaaaazed-

Bella; Yes, Mike. Snow. And guess what? It's not fake either.

Mike; Snow is mah lyf.

Bella; Snow is disgusting.

KD; AGREED.

Mike; How can you not like snow! It's as wonderful as… as… as-

Bella; Kissing Eric?

Mike; NO, GOODBYE. –leaves-

Bella; Weirdo.

Mike; -returns- Oh, and I'll see you at lunch. Loving the outfit! –Leaves once more-

KD; Definitely gay.

~~~~ Lunch ~~~~

Bella; . IT'S –fangirl scream- EDWARD!

KD; Yes, he's allowed an education.

Bella; I'm so happy! OH LOOK! He's laughing! –stares in amazement-

KD; Bella ... Bella! ... BELLA HELLO!

Bella; - dreamy voice- Si?

KD; Table… NOW.

Bella; Yes, Ma'am. –proceeds to the table but only stares at Edward-

KD; Obsessioooon. –Bell rings-

Bella; -In the tune of 'Friday' Once more- It's Bio, bio, gotta stalk Edward in Bio! –runs-

KD; SIGH.

Bella; -is sitting at the lab desk, crying, hahaha.- He's n-not hereee!

KD; STFU AND GET A GRIP.

Bella; -Drys tears- Yes, I'm a strong, independent woman-

KD; No, really, shut up.

Bella; -shuts up-

Edward; -appears in a cloud of sparkly pink smoke- Aloha.

Bella; -in head- OMG OMG, HE'S HEEEERE!

Edward; I'm Edward Cullen. YOU are Isabella Swan.

KD; I vote for Edweirdo Sullen.

Bella; -in head- NO. –out loud- How did you know that? –narrows eyes in suspicion-

Edward; The whole town knows..

Bella; Evil, drunken wreck of a father.

Edward; -gives Bella a WTF look-

Mr. Banner; M'kay, due to my wife cheating on me with our local garbage man, taking the shared bank account and the parrot, making me live in the shed and making me pay rent, and now wanting a divorce, making me go into a state of depression. I want the same for you. Therefore, you shall not work in your usual pairs, but with who you work beside. HA TAKE THAT SOCIETY.

Bella; -in head- OH YES BABY!

Edward; Do you want to go first?

Bella; k. –looks in microscope- It's….

Edward; Prophase.

Bella; Yeah, that one.

Edward; -Takes microscope- Anaphase.

Bella; I WANT TO LOOK!

Edward; OKAY!

Bella; -snatches microscope- Ugh, you're right. You're always right. –licks Edwards face-

Edward; Ew…

Bella; Do you, my fine fellow, wear contacts?

Edward; No.

Bella; Your eyes are gold.

KD; that's creepy.

Bela; Last time I saw you they were black.

Edward; Uhhh… -uses dazzling powers until bell rings. Then runs.-

Mike; Cullen was nice then?

Bella; -Dreamy voice- yeaaaah

Mike; Well…. BYE.

Bella; bye you gay racist hobofied leprecon !


End file.
